Virtually Connected But Emotionally Detached

I couldn’t believe my ears when I got the shocking news of suicide committed by a young, beautiful, successful and a happily-married acquaintance whom I had known for a few years and who was working at a reputed media house. To people who worked with her or knew her, Aisha was always a happy-go-lucky girl and it was difficult to even imagine her to be under any kind of stress or depression from the “blissful” life she depicted through her social media posts and Instagram pictures. Her blog had several followers and she was quite popular in her social circles for her demeanor, style sense, wit and also her fabulous networking skills. It was unbelievable to most of her friends and family that Aisha could take such an extreme step. It reflected the kind of trauma and depression she must have been under while taking such an action.

Till the last meeting we had, i.e. a couple of months back, it appeared that Aisha lived a fairy-tale life and her extravagant lifestyle was a cause of envy in almost anyone who knew her. She believed in living life king-size and her Facebook page portrayed that her life was picture perfect. Unfortunately, that was not the case. Aisha, as found after her death, was suffering from depression, loneliness and was a victim of substance abuse.  However, Aisha’s case is not an exception. There are many who often come across as really happy souls with blissful lives actually live a life of isolation and despair. Aisha’s case is just another reflection of the widening gap and sharp contrast between the two lives we lead in modern times- the virtual one and the real one.  

It is strange that popularity of social media and technology has helped us stay connected to everyone and almost every second of our lives but despite being connected online more and more, we are connecting less in real life. Social media platforms has made it very easy for us to surround ourselves with online cushion of family, friends, followers, have virtual communications and interactions with anyone sitting anywhere across the globe and to broadcast each and everything we do. Despite this, we feel lonely, discontent and depressed. We make hundreds of Facebook friends but only a few real-life connections and this is where the root-cause of feeling lonesome lies. Despite being hooked to mobile messaging apps 24*7, we still feel lonely at heart. We manage to get hundreds of likes on our images and posts on social media page but very few among them actually care to respond in times of our crisis.  

Often we have been fooled to believe that connecting online can replace the feeling of meeting close friends offline, a skype conversation can replace the joy of speaking face to face with family and loved ones, carrying conversations through advanced technological tools with distant relatives can work as a substitute for the joyous feeling one experiences when sharing the same room. As our lives get busier, online interactions seem a  great way to stay connected as it can save a lot of hassle, time and effort but it still cannot replace the feeling of joy that one experiences when one dines with family, or makes time to catch up with friends on chai adda session.  We often let precious relationships slip when we believe that connecting online is enough to be close to our folks and hence do not make any efforts to reach out personally to meet them up. 

I have nothing against social media and nor am I blaming it for creating modern day loneliness.  In fact it is a highly effective medium to make connections and build rapport but it is a dangerous illusion when we believe that it can replace human connections. Liking facebook posts and tweets is not same as encouraging a dear one with few kind words while taking a stroll, a flattering comment on twitter does not equate to meeting for dinner.  Although technology has helped us to reach out to anyone staying anywhere at any point of time and made us more open with us lives but it still has not changed our desire to establish deep psychological and emotional connection with people. Virtual interactions cannot help us heal as much as an emotional connection would do. We all would agree to the fact that even spending a few minutes of complete silence in the presence of a close friend can mean more to us than reading or sending a barrage of comments or tweets on social media platforms.

Most of us believe that technology and increased dependence on it is really bringing us closer with others but in reality, more and more people are feeling distant and devoid of emotional connect. Thanks to social media that we are establishing links with more and more people but making less attempts to spend quality time with dear ones and to know more about how they feel. We often forget that technology can make huge strides but it can never replace human element within any relationship.

We might often come up with excuses about not having ample time to strengthen human connections in modern-day hectic lives but we cannot let technology become a convenient tool to escape from what is true – real-world empathy is more important than virtual empathetic responses. Human beings need intimacy, emotional and psychological connection and deeper understanding from their dear ones more than virtual connections. 

  

69 years on, are we still truly free?

As I surf the net and browse through all the glorious images of 69^th Independence Day celebrations of India, I wonder, whether the true meaning of the term “Freedom” confined only to the Nation's Independence? Despite being freed from the clutches of slavery and foreign rule, are we still truly free even after 69 years? Although no man can be completely free ever as Jean-Jacques Rousseau had once put it, but there are still some dimensions, achieving of which I believe, would give the 15^th August celebrations a greater meaning.

Freedom of Expression - It is ironical that we still crave for freedom to express ourselves freely in a “Democratic” country like ours when actually it should be one of the most fundamental rights that we are entitled to.  Cartoonists, film makers, artists, writers, authors, social celebs, or a common man is never free to voice his opinions freely on most burning and sensitive issues. Although politicians in our country belong to a different league and hold different set of privileges as they get away easily while making highly divisive remarks and hate speeches, but anyone below that grade certainly doesn’t enjoy that freedom.

  

Freedom from being judged - Who decides what is morally correct and what is wrong? Why a woman should be judged in the wrong light if she chooses to party out late at night with her friends or drink and dance in a pub. Who gives someone else the right to label us as a “slut” or a “loose character” on the basis of the clothes we wear or for the tattoo we choose to show off on our navel? Don’t we all have the equal right to express ourselves without the fear of being misjudged? Stop stereo-typing or judging us. No one likes to be put into rigid categories. We all have the right to make our choices and live with it without getting ostracized as long as it is socially acceptable and, the least, we expect others to do is to show respect towards it.

Freedom to make decisions- At a time, when we see more Indian-origin men and women taking on the reigns and calling the shots at most coveted globally powerful companies, we also find that majority of the people in our own homeland don’t have the basic right to take their own decisions because of various restrictions- be it societal or otherwise! Think of the elections we have here in India. As much we would like to live with the illusion, that we the people of India have the most important power to elect our representative, but how much of it is really true? We do cast our votes, but the actual results are influenced by muscle power, lobbying and money. And sadly, this holds good even to other spheres of life- be it business, sports, or our daily lives. Even choosing sexual inclinations like homosexuality is still a taboo in India.

Freedom from corruption- Hardly a day goes by when we do not witness this ugly practice becoming a dominant part of our daily life. Sometimes we are subjected to it, many a times we indulge in it and encourage it or almost often we are at receiving end of it. Corruption has made such deep inroads into our society that it seems like a Hercules task to wipe it out. It engulfs us like the air we breathe and that day is not far when we would get choked to inhumane death by breathing this- day in and day out.

Freedom to walk on the streets of India without getting molested or raped- Safety of women remains one of the most sensitive and debated issues in India today. How safe do most of us (women) feel to walk the streets of our own country or take the public transportation? We can never be truly free if we the women and children of India don’t feel secure enough to exist here!

Of course, freedom means many other things to many people and we may never actually reach a point where we can have all of it, but I am hoping that if not us at least our children or grand children will get to live in a better and free world.

Remembering the famous lines written by Sir Rabindranath Tagore:

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Where knowledge is free

Where the world has not been broken up into fragments

By narrow domestic walls

Where words come out from the depth of truth

Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection

Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way

Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit

Where the mind is led forward by thee

Into ever-widening thought and action

Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

#My Choice- Is this really an attempt to empower women?

Women empowerment and feminism are some issues that have since good old days been very successful in arousing a good degree of interest among people, especially in a country with a patriarchal setup. No wonder we see fashion magazines, celebrities, Page 3 want to-be celebs and all those who are not even remotely interested in doing anything for such issues at ground level, create and market their campaigns around such sensational themes. A recent point in case is the #My Choice video starring Deepika Padukone released jointly by Homi Adajania and Vogue India. It has garnered great deal of attention in a short span of time and now everyone, who has even the slightest measure of presence on any of the social media platforms, seems to hold some opinion about it and why not everyone have their choice to express their views. So even I would like to avail this choice of penning down my thoughts on the video here. 

The campaign makes me wonder as to why a glossy magazine is suddenly interested in reminding Indian women about their “freedom of making choices”. How can it make women feel empowered when most of the ideas it wants to convey are highly erroneous and off-putting? In the name of empowering women and liberating caged mindsets, the video actually comes across as superficial, male bashing piece that does more harm than good to the cause of spreading consciousness about the right of women to make their own choices in the greater public domains, including social, economic and political spheres. It seems funny, ironic and also a little lame when a magazine which is mostly popular only in urban circles and endorses only a certain class of people, talks of “women empowerment”.  What about women in towns and villages - do they not have the right to have their set of choices? Or is that the magazine thinks that women empowerment is a prerogative of elite sections of women.  

What irks me the most about this video is the misconceptions about women empowerment that it tries to reinforce in the name of celebration of womanhood. When did adultery become a tool of empowerment?  Does making choices in a marriage by women alone really the idea of feminism? Is it not that the choice of both husband and wife crucial to making marriage successful? If a woman has the choice to do what she pleases- even have sex outside of marriage and come home when she pleases, as Ms Padukone puts it, then it is expected that even a man’s choice of indulging in infidelity shall not be questioned. He too has the right to do what he pleases and his choices too call for equal measure of respect. Feminism is not about defying the socially acceptable norms but it is about breaking even and about equal opportunities and treatments being meted out to both the sexes.  

Since when did feminism emerge as an idea that completely pulls down the men, claiming that it is liberation of women when she can do whatever she wishes without actually extending an equal right to men? If empowerment meant always doing what one feels is right then the world by now would have become a lawless jungle. There is a distinct line between choice and freedom. Absolute choice can have absolute repercussions. If it is absolute choice that we cry for then we should also be ready to face anarchism. 

Choosing a messenger like Deepika Padukone to convey notions that Vogue India feels can empower women also makes the video fluffy with no real substance. There is nothing wrong in using celebrities to spread out the messages on women empowerment as famous people can often make people take notice. But branding feminism in a slick glamorous way, just like Vogue cover models, only defeats the greater purpose of emancipating women. How can the audience expected to take a Bollywood actress, like Ms Padukone, seriously in her women empowering video when she herself has made choices in the past that projects women as a sex object. Who can forget her sexy dance moves in Lovely song or Dum Maro dum. How can we go by the fancy but absurd dialogues she parrots about women empowerment in the video when she herself promotes the “cliched opinions” about women through her endorsements for slimming eatables and fairness creams?  

Sorry Homi, Vogue and Deepika but definitely showing a celebrity hooking her bra strap while mumbling some stupid lines about girl power ( blah..blah…) will not do any good to the cause of uplifting women in India. There is more to feminism than just showing fleeting images of women celebs with tousled hair and appealing collarbones speaking of their personal choices rather than serious issues that women have to confront daily. 

Each one of us have a choice but just exercising our choice is not enough.With choice also comes responsibilities and we can be socially acceptable only as long as we keep in mind that our choices are not in conflict with the greater interest of the society. 

Blame it all on “Her”...

Finally, the world cup dream of India came to an end with its defeat at the hands of Australia. This post is not any analysis of factors that led to the result we have on record now. Most of us are very good experts on this subject matter and have by now discussed innumerable times and also laid down all their analysis in great detail before everyone (whoever is even minutely eager to lend their ears) as to why the result hasn't gone in India’s favor. But for the point for which I am expressing my thoughts here is the misogyny and vile sexism manifested in many ways by some people after the defeat.

The venom being spewed on Anushkha Sharma – the alleged girlfriend of Virat Kohli after his score of just one run and dropping an easy catch in the world cup semis is repulsive and truly sordid. Social media sites are abuzz with abusive jokes and nasty tweets being directed at Anushka.  Potshots at this Bollywood actress make me wonder on how a ladylove of a teammate can be blamed for the collective failure of the team. It shows a sickening mindset of the people who are indulging in this disgusting behavior.  Does her being a celebrity make her more vulnerable to such attacking jibes? Why is it that only she has been made a soft target when family members, girlfriends and wives of other team mates must have also been there watching the match. It is no hidden fact that media and many others love to take a dig at celebrities for everything they do as obviously it brings them more TRPs. It is okay to crack jokes on celebrities and stars but are we not treading the thin line between harmless mockery and nastiness.

This case is also a reflection of a more appalling and blasphemous approach that we, especially Indians, adopt when a man fails in his career or in achieving his personal ambitions. Even in an era where women have made stupendous strides in every arena, a mindset which is very much dwelling in most households is that- it is a woman who is to blame for the misery of a family. If a child in a family grows up to be a black sheep and bring bad name then it is entirely a mother’s fault as she has completely failed to bring her up with the right values. Not only this, most of us also think that it is woman’s fault alone if she gets raped and molested on streets. It is she who invites trouble and provokes a man to commit the crime.  It is really shocking and difficult to understand the logic when so many people lay the blame for being raped on women themselves and makes it a reason enough to take upon the “moral duty” of controlling a woman’s freedom. 

Blaming the wife of a man for change in his behavior after marriage is also something that we often do to derive entertainment out of other’s personal life.  Even Eve was not spared when she is, till date, blamed for the Fall of Mankind, since it is she who is said to have given Adam the forbidden fruit of sin. In fact historical and mythological tales has led us to believe that it is Draupadi, who is the root cause of the epic war of “Mahabharata”. History abounds with several other instances where it is a single woman or some females who are to entirely blame for defeats and downfalls.

The dirty habit of maligning the image of a woman, slandering her for a man’s failure and fall of a nation has been there since time immemorial and there is little hope that things will change in near future.

  

Chasing An Illusion

A certain amount of gloominess and despondency surrounds me when I ponder a little too much about the meaninglessness of the world and its average life. After a certain point, we all seek to rise above the stereotypical mundane lives that we live, the same old routine jobs we do and superficial interactions that we enter into almost daily, either willingly or unwillingly but more so to feel accepted and make ourselves fit to be a part of this “shallow society”.  I may sound like someone who is tired of the mediocrity and hypocrisies that an average life demonstrates but I feel I am not alone in feeling so. There are many others who seek something deeper, more meaningful and something more gratifying to give life the perfect shape. 

In an endeavour to lend our lives the so-called perfection, we begin a perpetual hunt for things that is mostly believed to make the journey of life worthwhile. For each of us, the ideas and ways to attain perfect happiness and building an “ideal” life are different.  Most of us believe that having the top class luxuries at our disposal makes life happy and perfect while there are also a few who think that dedicating a significant part of their lifetime for the service of their loved ones and society at large can give them ultimate contentment. It‘s all a matter of personal opinion and I would not like to go into judging or arguing as to which way leads to greater happiness.  

When we talk of more happiness and more meaningful life, most of us do not even know how it can be achieved. Can only a grand and lavishly spent life be called meaningful and happy? Or simply living like a sevak or yogi offer a sense of complete fulfilment. What about a lot of people like me who neither have a king-size life, nor can completely dedicate ourselves to the cause of others because we too harbour some ambitions to get rich and famous and we too have our set of responsibilities that desists us from becoming completely selfless humans.  

A lot of people believe that secrets of happiness lie in exercising, meditation, setting goals, spending time with friends and family, experimenting with new things. All of these sound so familiar. From time to time, we are all reminded of these things and they may or may not work for us in bringing complete happiness. These nuggets may bring about bliss for us momentarily and ease the pain, but we will be fooling ourselves if we think that we can cut off every possible evil and negatives through these practises.  The reality is we cannot get rid of negative emotions all together.  Black, white and shades of grey are all required in life to make it more interesting and consequential.

We are trying to find the perfect happiness through our continuous hunt for perfection and we constantly involve ourselves into things that are said to bring joys but still deep within we feel incomplete. There is no single thing keeps us contended for long.  That’s human nature I guess. We can never have complete gratification by just one thing. There are no defined set of rules that can lead us to a perfect happy life. The whole idea of being perfect and happy is like a mirage. Happiness is a delusion. We are chasing an impossible dream when we run after things we believe would make our lives totally positive and perfect.

Greater sanity involves learning to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, accepting the weakness within and those in others, learning to cope with other’s negativity, find pleasure in the challenges that we are confronted with in our daily lives and to enjoy conflict and rise above them. Life is great but it also sucks at times– it’s a duality and we have to live with it. Enjoying to the fullest this life marked by the union of both happiness and pain should be our end goal.